Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tuesday's Special Is...The Digital Plague

The Digital Plague by Jeff Somers

Click here to order from Amazon.

Jeff's Website.


Jeff Somers developed an early taste for crayons.

Yep, that's right. He wasn't even finicky about them being Crayola. Even the freebies that come with restaurant kid menus. Maybe that's why what comes out of him today kicks in serious Technicolor.

These days, Jeff is tinkering with nanobots. In The Digital Plague, New York City is suffering an aggressive disease that runs from contraction to bloody death in days. However, our assassin protagonist remains mysteriously unaffected. It's a potent mix. Even more potent even than Jeff's favorite cocktails. (Not that Jeff has been known to turn away a cocktail.)

Other things to know about Jeff: (1) he voluntarily lives in New Jersey (which we Philadelphians call that-place-you-drive-through-to-get-to-the-shore), (2) he earned his English major in college without ever reading a book, (3) early in his career, the bankruptcy of publishers tended to follow the acceptance of his manuscripts. Thank God number 3 has abated!

Maybe it was the nanobots.

Without further ado, I introduce Jeff's good friend Avery Cates, who's obviously the kind of guy who takes pride in his work. Unfortunately, it's killing people.

********

“This is my associate,” I said. I gestured at the fat man. “This is Reggie, my contact here.”

They stared at each other for another few seconds. Reggie liked to eat, and every year he had a fat-sucking procedure performed that shed two hundred pounds in an hour, followed by a series of skin-tightening treatments. These were expensive procedures, and in me—or more precisely, my yen—Reg had found salvation. In January he was svelte and tanned, and then slowly expanded over the months until by December he was a goddamn beach ball.

“You're not supposed to bring anyone else with you,” Reggie said slowly, his eyes settling lazily on Glee's chest again. “It's dangerous.” He brightened without looking up at me. “Unless this is for me?”

I flared my nostrils and leaned forward to slap him lightly across the face—not hard enough to hurt. “Eyes on me, Reg,” I said easily, stepping back. “Eyes on me.”

He blinked and gave me a piggy little stare. “Fuck you, Avery. This is a bad time. You're not popular with certain people, you know, and the Optical Facial Scanners seem to be under the impression you've been seen on security cameras in government offices.” He shrugged. “So I have to ask you to leave.”

I ignored this, pushing my hands into my pockets. “I need info on Newark, Reg. I took a little involuntary trip out there recently and I want to know who's got fingers in that trash heap, who's carting shit out there or from there, who's bribing you to let it happen.”

He tried to lean back casually, lacing his hands behind his head, but his girth pushed his belly into his desk and made him grunt in discomfort. I noticed his cigarette was nearly all ash, and watched in fascination, waiting for it to shake off. “I just told you, Avery, this isn't a good time.”

I glanced at Glee, who looked back at me and shrugged. For a second I was aware of how grown-up and poised she'd become, apparently overnight. I looked back at Reg with my grin in place—calibrated to convey amusement. This fat piece of shit thought he was in charge. I realized I could smell him, Reg's brand of sour sweat too much for scrubbers.

“Reggie, let's be friendly. Let's have a conversation, and when we're done you say, Ave, this one's on the house, on account of I was a fucking asshole when you showed up. And then I say, shit, Reggie, I surprised you, so maybe you weren't in top form, and we part friends. Okay?”

He kept trying like hell to look relaxed even though it was obvious he was straining to hold his position. “Get out. What are you going to do, slap me again? You're unarmed, Avery. You didn't get through rooftop security with a gun.” He raised his eyebrows. “You think stories about you scare me. Fuck off.”

He was right, I didn't have a gun. Getting past security in a building containing even a pissant government agency could be done—anything could be done—but it was troublesome, and unnecessary.

“Glee,” I said. She took a half step forward and snapped her arm out stiffly, a handmade bone blade leaping into her hand. I had a similar one in my boot. With practiced ease she whipped it across his face, producing a tiny red wound on the tip of his bulbous nose. She grinned down at him, her blue eyes wide and lit up.

“Ear to ear, fat man,” she said, coughing wetly. “If Avery says so.”

*******

Now for the contest! Here are your questions.

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand?
2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ____________."
3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Let's all give Jeff a warm broiling welcome to the hot seat!

101 comments:

jason evans said...

*whistling*

*spraying liberal amounts of lighter fluid*

Now, for the guests to arrive.

Let's get this party started!

--Roast Master Jason

Jeff Somers said...

I'm ready! It's eleven o'clock the night before and I'm sitting here in a bathrobe, bunny slippers, and little else. I've got a bottle of Early Times and a mason jar. I'm going to set a Book Roast endurance record by sitting here until tomorrow morning, waiting.

J

ChrisEldin said...

LOL at Jeff in bunny slippers. Doesn't go with the book cover....

:-)



Sous chef, Chris

jeff somers said...

Who says bunny slippers and extinction-level events can't go together? My religious studies lead me to believe they can, and probably will.

J

Shona Snowden said...

Heh, heh. I live in Oz, Jeff. It's no trouble keeping you company all night.

Sous chef Shona

How about a punctuation debate? I view our titles (Head chef/sous chef/roast master depending on the situation) as similar to other titles that don't demand a comma e.g. 'Captain', 'Nurse', 'Evil'. But everybody else seems to be bunging them in. Except Jason I've just noticed. Who is right? Jason and I or The Rest?

Shona Snowden said...

But back to the topic in hand. I love the premise of your book. If I were not a roaster, and thus ineligible, I'd be entering this one for sure.

And as a crayon taster, which was your favourite colour?

Shona Snowden said...

It's so quiet... Did you all go to bed already?

Well, I guess I'll have to go and write, or something.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand? Forehand on the cheeks, backhand on the other cheeks.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ______..bra______." And then much laughter cuz I'm not wearing one.

3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Bunny slippers and screaming like a girl.

Charles Gramlich said...

Easy sleazy as they say.

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand?

Answer: Depends on the blonde doing the slapping.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ____________."

Answer: gruel.

3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Answer: By wearing a Billy Ray Cyrus disguise.

Stephen Parrish said...

I will, of course, be sitting at my desk pantsless with a glass of whiskey in my hand and will post photos to prove this if asked.

Don't think of this as asking, think of it as challenging. Big difference, you know. A guy thing. Anyway, you're cheating if you're wearing a bathrobe.

Robin S. said...

Ooooh ooooh. I gotta play. I really do.

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand?

Forehand is best, as being slapped like that is sorta like receiving a high five on the face, so you can take that slap as a slap of congratulations for something you've said or done that made a real, ya know, impact. (Or at, at the very least. caused one.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into... "
...my glass of white wine, giving it a smoky overtone that matches up just so fine with its musky, fruity scent. Mmmmm mmmm good.

3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Pretending to BE security, baby. Oh yeah.

But he does need to be changing out of those bunny slippers of his if he's gonna be carrying this off. Especially if they're pink, my friend.

Jeff Somers said...

Shona,

First of all--commas are for sissies. As soon as I attain Stephen King-like levels of editorial control where none dare edit me I'm going to write an entire book without commas.

Second: my favorite crayon flavor is Flesh. Now known as Peach for PC reasons.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Stephen,

Well, the bathrobe mysteriously disappeared a long time ago. I just startled awake a few minutes past. All I've got left on are the bunny slippers--do they ruin the nakedness too or do I get by on a technicality?

J

Jeff Somers said...

Sex Scenes @ Starbucks,

How did you know I was screaming like a girl? Can you hear me? I'm freaked out now. And screaming more.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Charles,

By "Billy Ray Cyrus" disguise I assume you mean forgetting to wash my hair, eating a bucket of chicken without napkins, and then murmuring incoherently to myself. It's worked before.

HANNAH MONTANA ROCKS MY SLIPPERS.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Robin,

Pink slippers; Seriously, can you people see me? I'm seriously freaked out now.

J

Bernita said...

An absolutely no good at these things -- but, oh man, this sounds like a great book.
I seem to be fond of psychopaths and assassins -- at least in fiction.

Margaret Yang said...

I already own the book so I don't want to play, but I just came by to say hello and happy roasting.

Robin S. said...

Pink bunny slippers and nothin' else?

Cool.

I'm buying your book.

Ebdreamn said...

I confess confusion about the whole NaNa-bots thing....More to the point why anyone would find Grandma robots interesting.....or perhaps I misunderstood....are you ripping of the Banana Splits show?

Jeff Somers said...

Bernita,

I like the way you think.

J

laughingwolf said...

1. jeff prefers a backhand, cuz it's more unexpected and yet so personally satisfying, especially if delivered by a winsome broad, don'tcha know!

2. 'You just tapped your cigarette ash into my NEW CIRCUIT BOARD, MUTHAFUKKA!'

3. jeff gets into hanna montana concerts by letting his hair down, wearing tons of pancake makeup, and telling em all he was sent by billy ray to chaperone the mutt... in a high-pitched falsetto, of course....

Jeff Somers said...

Hey Margaret! Thanks for stopping by!

Jeff Somers said...

Ebdreamn,

Damn your eyes, now I have that damned song in my head. My whole day, ruined.

J

Jeff Somers said...

laughingwolf,

". . .wearing tons of pancake makeup. . ."

That ain't makeup. Why must you be so hurtful? Is "fishbelly white" no longer "cool"?

J

Sarah Hina said...

1) Backhand. Diamonds draw blood, and he likes feisty.

2) Cliffs notes.

3) Pretending to be a beach ball.

Precie said...

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand?

Forehand by women. Backhand by men. He's not at all sexist...it's just that the sensations are totally different that way. Yeah.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ____________."

"...pink fuzzy bunny slipper, setting it aflame. You owe me new slippers"

3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Dressing up as HM herself, of course...The blonde wig is his favorite part.

Jeff Somers said...

Sarah,

Actually, feisty frightens me.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Precie,

"Dressing up as HM herself, of course...The blonde wig is his favorite part."

Now I know y'all can see me. This wasn't part of the plan. This can't be legal, can it?

J

jason evans said...

Funny, Hannah (or, erm, Miley) is on the radio right now.

Serendipity.

Jaye Wells said...

I already own Digital Plague. I say own and not "have read" because the minute it arrived Mr. Jaye stole it and is currently devouring it. Big fans here in the Wells' household.

Jeff Somers said...

Jaye,

Thanks! So happy to hear that. Hope TDP lives up to the hype. Assuming there was any hype to begin with.

J

Miss Savannah Spitfire: said...

Why hello there, Jeff honey,

Are you still workin' on that bottle of Early Times you had last evenin'?

And have you ever tried its rival, Maker's Mark, distilled down in Loretto, Kentucky?

Maker's Mark-soaked bourbon balls are the best, and I'm talkin', the very best soaked sugary balls you'll ever taste. Especially with crushed pecans rolled up inside.

I'm just sayin'. I know my whisky like I know my cookin', my darlin'.

P.S...

Jeff,

You have a very handsome photo on your website - but was someone maybe too shaky with an Early Times mason jar hangover or somethin' when they shot that picture of you?

laughingwolf said...

sorry j, artistic license and all that rot... no real hurt intended :O

Jeff Somers said...

Miss Savannah Spitfire,

I have an IV drip of whiskey at all time. Sober? Perish the thought.

I'm a Scotch man, actually; Glenmoranjie is my favored poison. I do enjoy good bourbon, though, including MM, which has a nice, mellow flavor to it. Bourbon is in many ways superior to Scotch these days due to the purity and discipline of its manufacture.

I'll also dabble in some Rye now and then when the mood strikes me, and keep a bottle of Rittenhouse under the bar for emergencies.

As for the photo, that's just how I turn out on film. Can't explain it.

J

jason evans said...

I've seen pancake white for real on a living human.

'Taint pretty.

Especially when perspiration begins to cut channels through it.

--Roast Master Jason

P.S. Speaking of pancakes, Jeff, do you prefer McDonald's hotcakes and sausage or the Egg McMuffin (without or without egg)?

Jeff Somers said...

Jason,

McDonald's? Holy crap. I haven't been to a Mickey D's in decades. For serious. Besides, what with all the whiskey, food just makes me sick.

J

jason evans said...

Mmmmmm. But think of the two together.

Jack McDaniels.

Toasty.

--Roast Master Jason

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Jeff--
I've been on the internet a loooong time, my friend. I have my ways.

mwahahahhahahhaa

Phoenix said...

Now Jeff, did no one tell you we here at Book Roast have our own little armada of nano-spy-bots. We see all, hear all, know all ... (And, please, put your robe back on -- the chiffon one hanging over the door there on your right. Yes, that's the one.)

Ooh, perhaps some pointers for how to major in English without reading a book? Or are you saving THAT for a non-fic publication?

--Sous Chef Phoenix

Miley Cyrus said...

1. Jeff prefers to be slapped senseless

2. cremains urn, gee thanks, now I have to strain your ash from my great unpublished novel, whose burnt paper shreds I like to carry around with me.

3. He doesn't need to get past security baby; he's "with" the band

Craig Zablo said...

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand? Neither if it's a man doing the slapping. Either if it's a woman. Any woman.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ____________.""oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my -- WTF... now it's on!"


3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert? Jeff gets fall down drunk and then is carried out of the concert. What? You mean the security isn't there to keep people from escaping?

Jeff Somers said...

Phoenix,

Thank you for the advice. This robe feels good. I am all tingly now.

As for English degree w/o books, it's simple: a) read all the books BEFORE you go to college, b) write your papers the night before in one stream of consciousness blast, relying on the training your Jesuit high-school beat into you. Literally.

Plus, you can pretty much make a case for any kind of BS theory for literature, and quote random passages from the text, and you'd get, at worst, a C minus. Which is passin'.

Obviously, the main requirement for this plan is a complete lack of ambition or dignity.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Miley,

1. You'd be surprised how much effort this actually requires.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Craig,

Mistah Zablo in the house! I'm afraid you know me too well, Craig, and thus must be disqualified. And possibly eliminated. You're too big a threat to my plans.

J

Craig Zablo said...

Ah, smart man you are Jeff Somers!

When you say:
Mistah Zablo in the house! I'm afraid you know me too well, Craig, and thus must be disqualified. And possibly eliminated. You're too big a threat to my plans.

What you are REALLY saying is:

I know Zablo will continue to buy my books so I'd be foolish NOT to disqualify him so that I can introduce someone new to Avery Cates.

That or...

Man, did Zablo's answers SUCK!

Either way, I'm still buying your books and spreading the word that Avery Cates [Jeff Somers] is the man! Like my mamma taught me, kill 'em with kindness.

Diesel said...

1. Yes.
2. Grandmother's ashes.
3. I'm pretty sure it involves Mentos.

mlh said...

There's a New Jersey? Wait . . . there's also a Philadelphia? I've lived in PA all my life and I thought the Atlantic Ocean was on the other side of the Laurel Mountains.
********

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand?

He doesn't seem to be picky, so I say whichever hand isn't hurting you at the moment.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ____________."

Rum and coke. You smoke menthols, don't you. Hmm...not bad. A nice minty flavor. You should patent this drink.

3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Now everybody knows the security at those concerts are just some pimple-faced punks who would pee on themselves when a real rockstar walks on stage. Scalp them some fake REM tickets and just walk on in.

Chumplet said...

Early afternoon and the party is already out of hand (that's what she said). What was the question again?

Chumplet said...

Jeff, for future reference, lace itches.

Jeff Somers said...

Craig,

OK, you've called my bluff--I currently lack henchmen to carry out my evil plans and assasinations. So you're safe to keep recommending me to folks.

J

Jeff Somers said...

MLH,

New Jersey is just a humongous chromium deposit that glows softly at night. And I say that with terrible affection.

J

Jeff Somers said...

Chumplet,

NOW you tell me. Also: I appear to be allergic to it.

J

jason evans said...

MLH, oh my, I was laughing out loud on that one. Prior to going to the New York suburbs (i.e., Philadelphia), I lived and grew up in western Pennsylvania.

So true!!

--Roast Master Jason

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Craig said:

What? You mean the security isn't there to keep people from escaping?


NO DOUBT!

Merry Monteleone said...

1. Does Jeff prefer to be slapped forehand or backhand?

Backhand by the ladies, for to avoid the permanent scars blood red finger nails often leave. Forehand by the gents... he's an equal opportunity whipping boy.

2. Finish this sentence: "oh yes, thank you very much. You just tapped your cigarette ash into my ____________."

maker's mark..." resulting in a shoving match which turns into a full fledged fight throwing the entire bar up for grabs... it's only later he learns the ash actually went into the ashtray next to his drink, but he was too cock-eyed to tell the difference.

3. What is Jeff's favorite method for getting past security at a Hannah Montana concert?

Diversion... he sends in an elite squad of midget acrobatics to occupy the burley security's limited attention span, while he skips past the gates humming the tune to Pinky and the Brain

Just a guess... the exerpt is fantastic, by the way.

Jeff Somers said...

Merry,

Nice answers! Glad you liked the excerpt.

J

Craig Zablo said...

Jeff,

Which is higher in rank: henchman or lackey?

I'm trying to figure out if you promoted or demoted me.

blogless troll said...

1. He's just happy to be slapped.

2. Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

3. Who's Hannah Montana?

Jeff Somers said...

Craig,

Henchman outranks Lackey by a long shot. Youc an, however, only advance from Lackey to Henchman through the death of an existing Henchman.

J

Craig Zablo said...

Who is this "Youc an" you speak of and why is it that "only [he may] advance from Lackey to Henchman through the death of an existing Henchman."

Please tell me I am not THAT Henchman! GULP!

laughingwolf said...

hysterics and histrionics continue! :P lol

Dave F. said...

My answers:

1. forehand like spanking, forehand.
2. ash into my VENUS FLY TRAP or FLESH EATING PITCHER PLANT. I saw that happen once. Sick sad way to kill a plant.
3. killing and taking the place of a guard.

I missed y'all yesterday. A strange Monday. Today I feel brutish and out of sorts. This book is interesting.

Jeff Somers said...

CRaig,

"Please tell me I am not THAT Henchman! GULP!"

You'll never know until it's too late. That's how I roll. By killing my fans, apparently. As Skwisgaar Skwigelf says, perhaps I reevaluates my life.

Also as Skwiagaar says, "Well, there's only two things to do in a blackout. Get drunk ... One thing to do."

J

Jeff Somers said...

Blogless Trol,

"1. He's just happy to be slapped."

Do I know you? Maybe you made the mistake of letting me sleep on your couch after an evening of Tequila Fanny Bangers? Said couch having to be burned and replaced afterwards?

J

ChrisEldin said...

I want to know more about Rocky Balboa.

Does anyone here have any information?

Sous chef, Chris

Craig Zablo said...

ChrisEldin, I could maybe help ya out on the Rocky Balboa stuff except I'm kinda busy tryin' to stay in Jeff's good graces.

I keep refillin' his Whiskey IV drip and mason jar so he's gettin' a constant dose of 100 proof externally and internally.

While he's still conscious he likes me for doing that and once he passes out, he'll forget I was on the outs. And then I'll be back in like Flynn!

As long as he doesn't read this, that is!

Jeff Somers said...

Uh, Craig, the mason jar is not for drinking out of. . .it's for, uh, bodily functions so I don't have to get out of my chair. I get woozy when I stand.

J

Craig Zablo said...

Jeff Somers said: "Uh, Craig, the mason jar is not for drinking out of. . .it's for, uh, bodily functions so I don't have to get out of my chair. I get woozy when I stand."

Well, no wonder you're getting woozy if you're drinkin' out of the mason jar!

Janet Reid said...

I just stopped in to make sure Jeff is wearing pants.

ChrisEldin said...

I wonder if Jeff will let us post a pic of him getting slapped.

Or the mason jar.

Or the bunny slippers.

:-)

ChrisEldin said...

Re the pants--

We're no longer sure what Jeff is doing...

Jeff Somers said...

Janet,

Too late! You should have checked in last night. My pants are long gone...

J

Jeff Somers said...

Chris,

I've taken a lot of photos. None so far are fit for publication.

J

Chumplet said...

I thought Sylvester Stallone was Rocky Balboa.

I can see it now, in the year 2040, theatres will be showing Rocky L.

ORION said...

1. Silly

2. cockpit

3. "I'm the photographer. You know, in case playboy wants another shot...er...I know it's a disposable camera but art is art..."

Janet Reid said...

Ok, Jeff's not wearing pants, he is wearing bunny slippers, he's not drinking from the Mason jar; he's joined the Masonic Lodge...

I'm not sure if this a BookRoast low, but I hope so!

Chumplet said...

I don't think I can top this on Thursday.

Janet, you forgot Jeff is allergic to lace.

Chumplet said...

Yanno, if Jeff had a laptop, he wouldn't need the Mason jar.

Merry Monteleone said...

Jeff,

Too late! You should have checked in last night. My pants are long gone...

Chris stole them to put on her avatar...

Jeff Somers said...

Chumplet,

Laptop...? Oh, crap, I do have a laptop. I've been sitting here for hours for no reason.

I can't feel my legs. Will someone call 911 for me?

J

Chumplet said...

I didn't know Jeff wore a thong.

Shona Snowden said...

Morning time in Oz. Looks like I've missed heaps. All essentially dodgy stuff as far as I can tell.

Just a couple of points that caught my eye... Drop the bourbon. Stick with the Glenmorangie, yum. I'm a Laphroig girl myself.

The natural skin colour of those with Scottish heritage is blue. Seriously. You should see us in winter.

Sous chef Shona
Officially without the comma

Chumplet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChrisEldin said...

Is Jeff now wearing a thong?

That could only be a good thing.

Shona Snowden said...

RTB, apparently you're wearing Jeff's thong. Who knew.

Jeff Somers said...

Shona,

Laphroig is good stuff. Cheers!

J

Jeff Somers said...

RE: THONG

I am not embarrassed to note that I do indeed sport a flesh-colored thong as part of my official Writing Costume. All great writers, we know, have such a costume. Some prefer smoking jackets and cravats, some welding masks and industrial rubber gloves, some religious robes and heavy gold chains. For me, nothing beats no pants, a nice thong run through the bedazzler, and your standard poofy shirt.

J

Shona Snowden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shona Snowden said...

That was me, testing. Blogger was down for while. We probably crashed it with all this talk of thongs.

Jeff Somers said...

SOMERS CRASHES BLOGGER
Another Internet Event Ruined by Hoboken Author.

I love it.

Well, since no one has offered answers in a while, I thought I'd pick the winner. Any objections?

J

jason evans said...

Thank you everyone, for a super cool roast!! (Wait, doesn't that defy the laws of physics?) Jeff, you were an amazing roastee. Thanks for a fun and downright partying day!!

Now, we'll await Jeff's selection for a contest winner. Hannah Montana's security detail is taking note.

Jeff Somers said...

Thanks to everyone for a really enjoyable experience! And thanks to the Roasters for having me. It will be weeks before they get my funk aired out of here.

After much consideration and a long pull at my special bottle to steady my nerves, I'm going to award the Awesoma Prize to. . .

. . .Blogless Troll, for giving us the phrase "Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator" to use in everyday conversation for years to come. The language salutes you, sir. Uh, ma'am?

Now I'm sure the non-winners will honor their contracts by buying several copies each of my books. Right? Don't make me beg. It ain't pretty.

J

ChrisEldin said...

Thanks to everyone who played!
I've never had anyone borrow my thong before, but Jeff seems okay.

*perhaps he'll post some pics on his website* heh heh

:-)

Shona Snowden said...

Congratulations to Blogless! (Who is a boy troll. With a blog. Check it out, he's funny.)

Jeff, you've been so much fun! No begging, please. When you bend over that thong...oh no, too late.

*sprays air freshener around the room*

Chumplet said...

Yay for Blogless! This was fun. More partying tomorrow.

blogless troll said...

Hey, thanks. Except... that's Marvin the Martian, not me. But, oops, too late. You already declared me the winner.

laughingwolf said...

grats to the troll, and thx to j and the participants [what, more pants?] lol

mlh said...

Congratulations, Blogless Troll!

Um, no one told me that a contract went along with my answers . . . I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGEMENT!

Craig Zablo said...

Congrats, Blogless Troll!

This was fun. I hope to make a return visit for another sometime and Jeff said I should warn everyone so as not to scare 'em.

sexy said...

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