Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Wednesday's Special Is...Road Trip of the Living Dead!


ROAD TRIP OF THE LIVING DEAD by Mark Henry

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Visit Mark's Website


Thanks to her friend Gil’s latest money-grabbing scheme gone wrong, Amanda Feral is now zombie non grata at all of Seattle’s hottest events–pure hell for a fashionable undead socialite like herself.

The answer: a road trip with Amanda’s best ghoulfriend Wendy and the clueless Gil, which will allow his enemies time to cool down and give Amanda a chance to visit her dying mother, a woman who’s never been in touch with her maternal instincts.

Along the way they’ll confront unfriendly ghosts, a kraken, and a superhot werewolf, plus assorted murderous fiends. And it’ll take more than biting wit and a flair for accessorizing for Amanda to get herself and her friends out of this one (semi) alive.



Excerpt:

Gil brought lawn chairs to the cemetery—not stylish Adirondacks, not even semi-comfortable camp chairs (the one’s with those handy little cup holders). No. He dug up some cheap plastic folding chairs; the kind that burrow into your leg flesh like leeches. He arranged them in a perfect semicircle around a fresh-sodded grave, planted an iBoom stereo in the soft earth, pulled out a bottle of ’07 Rose McGowan, and drained half of it before his ass hit plastic. Granted, he managed these mundane tasks in a pricey Gucci tuxedo, the tie loosed and dangling. On any other day, this would have been his sexy vamp look, but tonight…not so much. His eyelids sagged. His shoulders drooped. He looked exhausted.

I, on the other hand, looked stunning.

One of those movie moons, fat and bloated as a late-night salt binge, striped the graveyard with tree branch shadows, and spot-lit your favorite zombie heroine reclining starlet-like on the polished marble of the new tombstone—there was no way I was subjecting vintage Galliano to the inquisition of plastic lawn chairs; the creases would be unmanageable.

Wendy didn’t take issue with the cheap and potentially damaging seating. She wore a tight pink cashmere cardigan over a high-waisted chestnut skirt that hit her well above the knee. She crossed her legs and popped her ankle like a 1950’s housewife, each swivel bringing attention to her gorgeous peek-toe stilettos—certainly not the most practical shoe for late-night graveyard roaming, but who am I to judge?

The dearly departed were our only other company; about twenty or so ghosts circled the grave—in a rainbow of moody colors and sizes. A little boy spirit, dressed in his Sunday best and an aqua green aura, raced by, leaving a trail of crackling green sparks; the other, older specters muttered to each other, snickered and pointed. Popular opinion aside, zombies do not typically hang out in graveyards—ask the ghosts. We don’t crawl out of the ground all rotty and tongue-tied, either. We’re created through bite or breath, Wendy and I from the latter. So you won’t see us shambling around like a couple of morons, unless there’s a shoe sale at Barney’s.

*******************

Answer the following question for a chance to win a free copy of ROAD TRIP OF THE LIVING DEAD:

Describe the hottest date you ever had with a zombie.

Stop by to chat, have a cup of coffee or tea, and talk the latest undead gossip!

42 comments:

Chris Eldin said...

I LOVE the energy of this voice!!!
And the title cracks me up!

Zombies after vampires....this is quite appropriate!
:-)

jason evans said...

Welcome everyone!! Welcome Mark!!

I can already hear the zombies shuffling in.

Qwill said...

Hottest date with a zombie? Um... I forget. He ate that part of my brain...

Charles Gramlich said...

I've never really considered a relationship with a zombie, before. Now I have.

sweetmelissa818 said...

A lady never kisses and tells! If I told you he would eat me for breakfast!

Mark said...

I gotta tell y'all, I'll be shufflin' back and forth from here to the john. I don't know what I ate last night but...dayum!

Glad to see y'all started without me, plus it's still early out here on the west coast!

Mark said...

Or should I say shamblin'?

Mark said...

You know what they say Charles, once you go zombie you...

Is it die?

I don't remember the exact phrase, but you know.

sweetmelissa818 said...

Yeah, I think it's die. It's probably inevitable!

Eva said...

He was so needy and handsy. I had to break it off with him... oh wait... that was his arm when he was patting himself on the back.

Mark, perhaps you shouldn't go dining with Amanda any more. You've been warned before. (wink) It always screws with your digestive system for the next several days.

bridget3420 said...

Hottest date with a zombie... Well if I have to choose "the hottest date", I'd have to say it was when we went to the desert.

jason evans said...

Yeow. Been there, done that, Mark.

Respect.

Hope you feel better!

Mark said...

Sweet Melissa - Probably. Never can tell.

No doubt Eva. I guess I need some "hair of the dog" to work off last night.

If the neighbor kid falls off his skateboard today, I'll run out and score some braaaainnnns!

Do tell Bridget!

Thanks Jason, I'll survive. Or will I?

T.M. Thomas said...

Too many Twix, Wendy Henry?

Mark said...

TM - I'm tellin' ya. Those things go right through me. But I can't stop. Too yummy!

carriejones said...

He was all, "When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm hungry I'm better."

And baby... he was sooooooooo right.

Until, you know... his teeth fell out.

No. Wait. That was good too.

Sarah Hina said...

His biggest turn-on was my brain. And, he never interrupted.

An occasional grunt, but yeah, otherwise the (very) strong and silent type.
;)

Great excerpt, Mark! I enjoyed the voice and writing quite a bit.

Mark said...

Carrie - You make me so proud.

Sarah - Thanks, maybe I can talk you into taking a copy home to read aloud to your charming date?

Thom said...

Hottest Date with a Zombie?

Well, I was going through a phase where I was kind of undead-curious (it was art school, we did things like that)and I hooked up with a living dead girl named Erzulie (or maybe it was Ursula, I was kind of drunk at the time).

She was cute, in that glassy white eye kind of way, and I liked the way whatever she drank would dribble out of a hole in her right check (did I mention I was really drunk at the time).

One thing led to another, and we ended up at her place in a room full of candles while Public Image Limited played on the stereo (it was art school and we did things like that). It was amazing at first, in a hot date kind of way, but the night ended with two detached and decomposing legs drapped over my shoulders, my hands bursting throgh her rotting chest, and her hair catching fire from all the candles around us.

You never really think of zombies as being all that combustible, but she was pretty damned combustible. Ended up burning down the whole apartment building.

Still, not the worst date I ever had.

Mark said...

Hey Thom - Sounds positively enchanting. Does she ever call?

Thom said...

After that night, she ended up getting in a serious relationship with a sculptor who reattached her legs with a glue gun and an arc welder (no idea how he avoided setting her on fire all over again).

Last I heard, they had moved to Mankato, MN and were selling novelty figurines from a cart in the mall.

Michele Bardsley said...

Not much to talk about. The conversation, not to mention the guy, kept falling apart.

I laughed my ass off reading ROAD TRIP OF THE LIVING DEAD. I will read anything Mark writes. Even the pornographic graffiti he leaves on bathroom walls.

jason evans said...

Michele, aha! I knew I recognized Mark's name from somewhere else....

Mark said...

Michele's my pimp. I owe her money.

Thom said...

Better be careful, you don't want Michele to get all Wayne Brady on you.

flip said...

Thom, you made my day with your story.

alanajoli said...

I am way too uneasy about taking a zombie out for dinner... 'cause I might end up as dinner...

alanajoli said...

Woah, wish I'd read the comments before posting! Thom's date totally wins...

laughingwolf said...

welcome mark... too cool of a title

great excerpt, jason

my hottest zombie date took place at the long island cemetery... no, wait... that's in the zombie jamboree song of old

with the likes of amanda and wendy around, when not at shoe sales, i'm sure things would heat up nicely, especially after a galloon or two of rose mcgowan ;)

nazdarovja!

Justine said...

I try to keep an open mind when it comes to dating, especially after my divorce...but once you've been married to one of the walking dead...oh, wait...he did have a pulse most of the time....it was other stuff that ...well, nevermind! Wow, that explains so much!
Okay, Zombies TOTALLY back on the "maybe if really drunk, or last people on Earth, or nothing to do on a Tuesday night" list.

Leah Hodge said...

Mark--

I envy how the Zombies love you. I can't get one to date me. I think they're afraid of the third nipple. I'm told it has magical powers. You remember, you haven't been the same since.

Clearly you need more fiber in your diet to regulate your system. That is, unless you've decided to go on the Hollywood Diet. In that case, explosive diarrhea is necessary. I've noticed you're looking a bit thinner.

Mark said...

Alana - LOL. What did you think we were up to?

Laughing Wolf - Thanks and yep. They heat up and then cool way down. Room temperature, to be exact.

Justine - I don't think you'll regret your choice.

Mark said...

Leah! Thank you. And yes. I'm burning through the pounds on an exceptionally low carb diet. One where I'm never hungry and there's always some around.

It's people!

And it's the other other white meat.

McKoala said...

Now THAT is a great title.

I once went out with a zombie for two months. I didn't even notice. My friends had to point it out to me.

Mark said...

It's funny how that happens.

jason evans said...

The day is waning, and the zombies need to get back to the grave. The contest is now closed!

Mark, I hope you're feeling more, um, solid. Go ahead and choose your winner! (The two of you can then get into contact regarding the prize.)

macbeaner said...

Hottest date. We went to the local watering hole and had some dinner of the sweetbreads kind. Then we went to the local Starbucks for dessert. and I'm not talking about the drinks. Then we came back and tried Ms Feral's special recipe and had us a blast.

Mark said...

And the winner is...Thom!

Great story man! Email me@markhenry.us and I'll hook you up.

Morgan Mandel said...

I've never had a date with a zombie. Interesting concept. The book so far sounds like a laugh riot.

Morgan Mandel
http://morganmandel.blogspot.com

laughingwolf said...

grats thom... and thx mark :)

Thom said...

Thanks! Who knew my poor taste in women would finally pay off in the end?

Thom said...

Mark,

I just sent an email your way.