Welcome, One and All!!!Thank you for dropping by!
This is your opportunity to catch the attention of a group of most awesome editors! Please post your pitch in the comments section.
Recap of Da Rules:
1) Pitch limited to 75 words
2) One pitch per person
3) Pitch must somehow relate to today's theme - luck. (good luck, bad luck, no luck--whichever you choose)
4) Hours of operation: 7 am - 7 pm (New York time)
5) Pitch may be based on a real book, or may be used as a writing exercise. (Or, just for fun!)
Everyone is welcome to offer constructive feedback on the pitches throughout the day!
Each editor will select three pitches and say why those pitches appealed to them. The winning pitches will be posted at 9 pm.Special thanks to the following participating editors!!!
Editorial Anonymous
Edittorrent
Evil Editor
Moonrat
Ms. Spitfire
215 comments:
1 – 200 of 215 Newer› Newest»Good Morning everyone!!!
Let the games begin!
:-)
Over the past ten years there has been an explosion of interest in chess on the internet. However, the chess world hasn’t seen fit to educate itself about the proper use of Social Media sites, Blogging, Miniblogging (Twitter), and other forms of information sharing. In order for chess to remain a mainstream mindsport chess professionals need to learn to use these tools. Popularity is a matter of more than dumb luck.
Mrs. Cleary always had an awful time keeping the birds away from her garden. But when she woke up one morning to find all those nasty creatures in Mrs. Krate’s garden, pecking on the dead body of Mr. Krates, she knew she’d have to break open her new stationery. The box of Thank You notes with fancy gold leaf lettering and pastel colors. Then she’d help Mrs. Krate dig a hole. In her garden, certainly.
re: Mrs. Cleary: I'm already interested in reading this full story. ;)
We better keep an eye on the Colonel and Mrs. Cleary...
;-)
Guests!!! YAY!
Don't be shy folks! Our standards are as loose as our morals.
Okay, I'm here with my pipes. I'm ready to playing some appropriate pitch music. *thumbing through book* I'll be right with you.
Welcome to the party, everyone!
Chris,
I'm a first time visitor. I heard about the pitch party through twitter (cue ironic music). I'm glad to be here even though I may not be able to stick around all day. A few more hours and then I'll check in on things later.
Hi Jason! Top of the Morning!!
LOL! Really happy you're here, Colonel. :-)
G'Mornin' Chris! Happy St. Paddy's Day everyone!
Oooo, Mrs. Cleary....dead bodies and thank you notes. Love that.
What does it take for a former rock princess to get a second shot at stardom? Luck, that’s what; plus a mighty big helping of hard work and determination. As Jenny Sampson climbs on stage in front of more than a thousand people and strums the opening chords to “Sparks Fly Sometimes,” her buried dreams come rocking thunderously back to life.
Hopefully y'all consider a "curse" to be related to luck. . .
A curse forces Lexi to spend every night swimming. Her body craves the water, demands the water, until she can’t say no. At dawn she returns to school, where she’ll sit in class and wait for dusk. But she’s not just a mermaid-she’s a siren, and her songs are also a deadly lure. Soon a new boy discovers her lake, and Lexi must choose between agony outside the water—or falling in love.
Colonel Crocket - *ahem* any who exactly is your twitter tout?
Mandy, Not my genre, girl, but holy smoke that's a great pitch! I'm truly humbled...
Some pretty darn good pitches rolling in!
Keep 'em coming!
:-)
I thought I'd let you toot your own horn, Josephine. ;)
Thanks for telling me about this on twitter ... it's really fun reading other peoples pitches.
I wish I had time to play along but sadly I do not. Just wanted to stop in and say thanks Chris for making the net a fun place to hang out.
Armando, Fernando, and Tank were three Armadillo brothers with big dreams.
Armando wanted to be a wedding singer and someday sing with the New York Philharmonic.
Fernando wanted to be a tango instructor and someday become a judge on Dancing with the Stars.
Tanks wanted to be on a bowling team and someday be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Turned down for every job, their luck changed when they tackled their dreams together.
Eme Watson needs all the luck in the world. Not with falling in love, because she already did that with Joseph, the new boy in town. She needs to fall out of love with him. Because if her suspicion is correct, he's the one that robbed her father's bank and she's the only one that can prove it. Eme has to make a decision fast on whether she lets the man she loves escape or give up her heart for justice.
Life should be hard for Henry. It’s his first day at a new school and he has nothing to wear—nothing to wear on his bald head, that is. But that does not stop happy-go-lucky Henry. When a classmate asks him the inevitable, but awkward question, he responds in stride. Being bald is actually pretty great. Henry is happy to be Henry—and that makes others happy, too.
Morning Chris and everyone! I'll take a stab at this.
************
Sculptor Graham Baxter has found good fortune not within a four-leaf clover, but inside a stone. When the glowing rock fell from the sky, it became a miracle for his critically-ill son since the stone gives life to anything it touches. Unfortunately, someone else has to die first for it to work. Kill people to heal his son; it is not the moral choice Graham wants to make in this suspense, The Stoneman.
When her lover does nothing to stop a rebellion against her father, an 18th-century Philippine princess flees into exile. Juzliza forges a new life and even finds a new love. Then the Spanish-colonial government imprisons her father for treason, so she sails south to negotiate his release. Her mission turns awry, but success is still possible…with her former lover’s help. Dare she trust him? Will fortune smile upon Juzliza as she confronts her past?
You guys ROCK!!!!
:-)
Luck is a hard assed bitch. Fickle too. Sometimes she teases you like the whore she is. Other times she leaves you high and dry, with your pants down around your ankles and no toilet paper. I've been chasing the hussy for years now, at every tournament, at every casino. I've gotten so close, I could feel her gold plated, diamond encrusted hair slip through my fingers. She mocks me. But no longer. This time, I’m gonna kill the bitch.
Thought I'd play along. Gotta stretch those pitch muscles, ya know.
Curses are for princesses in books, not twelve-year-olds in Cranford, NJ. In THIRTEEN BLACK CATS UNDER A LADDER, Sasha inherits her brother’s curse and the cure he never figured out. She has to step on a crack, find a black cat, walk under a ladder, break a mirror, open an umbrella indoors and spill salt – in the right order, before she turns thirteen or her party will be a catastrophe and she’ll break a leg.
Oh wait is this a pitch session? I thought it was a bitch session... ;o)
LOL, Ello. Love it!
Nice one, Debra! Love the structure and the voice in this one.
ELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is way funnier than farting! And you know what I'm talking about....
I'm a bit tipsy now, so maybe it's not really funny what you said.
*reads it again*
It *IS* funny!!!
AHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH!
((I'm nine hours ahead of most of you, but feel free to drink at work. It's what your boss expects of you on St. Patty's Day))
Ooohh, Mandy. Love that conflict!
Sarah, I'd buy your book just from the name alone. Brilliant!
Humpf! I can see Colonel Crocket knows me quite well.
morning, guys!! dang, was i LUCKY to be invited to this party!!!
No surprise, Ello wins the prize for funniest line.
"Oh wait is this a pitch session? I thought it was a bitch session... ;o)"
Thanks Debra. My critique group told me that now I have to write it. I thought I was just writing a pitch!
Batter up!
Here's my pitch for WHAT THE MIND INHERITS: A Rhys Garrison Novel
When Dr. Rhys Garrison declares a confessed murder sane, Jeremy Prentice hires neuropsychiatrist Honore Lockwood to argue sociopaths are legally insane, and therefore cannot face the death penalty.
To prove evil is a heritable form of insanity, Dr. Lockwood puts Jeremy’s estranged mother, a mentally ill author famed for her prolific and imaginative writing, on trial alongside her son.
Jeremy’s life is at stake as two expert witnesses do battle over the provenance of murder.
Wow Josephine. I like that one - a lot. Nice psychological exploration.
I opt out of the chess book. Most children aren't interested in reading books about chess. Though if you put a pair of underpants on the book, they may consent to wedgie it.
Mrs Cleary:
LOL!
Is Ello causing trouble over here? :)
Chris, how many green beers have you had??
Sarah, thanks.
not with the green beers AGAIN, Chris!! i thought we talked about this.
i, however, could use some beer goggles. i am very UNLUCKY and was born STUPID and left my REAL GLASSES at home on the window sill.
what does it mean if an editor forgets her glasses on st patty's day?
This is my pitch for If You Can See Me:
One curse, two families afflicted. For a century and a half, the Bentley men are doomed to die before their thirty-fifth birthday, after fathering two children, a daughter and a son. The Delaney women are cursed to bear only daughters, thus keeping their maiden name and passing it on to their daughters. The power to break the curse is within the reach of Nate and Phaedra. Will they succeed before it claims more victims?
Man, these are all great! Heard about the 'party' from the gals over at edittorrent. Can’t think of a better way to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day! And with a name like Murphy? You gotta know that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.:)
As luck would have it, Corliss Rumdone becomes mated to the wolf of her dreams. But the honeymoon turns into a nightmare as an evil Sorcerer tries to steal her healing powers and two young children are sicker than even her powers can heal. Once she returns home, things aren't much better as her childhood nemesis issues a challenge. What's a werewolf to do expected hold on to her mate with all the strength in her teeth and claws.
Sarah, 13 black cats sounds SOOO adorable. I love books with puzzles/riddles.
I wonder if "breaking a leg" and having her party be a catastrophe is enough motivation?
These are really, really good!!! I just want to take a moment to...
*sip some more wine*
no... I mean, Thank all of you for stopping by!!!!!
:-)
Oh, some of these are awesome!!
Ello of course has the lock on making me laugh out loud.
Sarah, you should definitely write that one, if you're not already.
Josie already knows I love that premise (hello, lady, I need to read that!!! Seriously, may go through withdrawl if I don't get to read it)
I'll try to get one in today, but I don't think I can compete with any of those...
Top o'the morning to you all on this fine St. Patrick's Day! I've got some morning commitments but will be checking in this afternoon. How fun will this be!
Theresa
In judging these, should one assume that the book involves luck, even if the pitch doesn't?
What's with the luck part, anyway? Only those who've written books about luck can play?
I, for one, am considering all pitches, luck or no. Nyaah.
Evil is generous today.
I call that luck for everyone here....
:-)
Thanks, Merry. Looks like I'm going to have to write it now - it's already starting up in my head.
Would love to see yours. And it's such a fun exercise!
Merry, your early enthusiam gave me the incentive to enter my pitch.
Was hoping you'd have a pitch here for your new WIP.
Hey Josie,
I could narrow down the pitch to my current wip and post... I was going to try to think one up about luck, but my mind keeps going to really bad luck, which probably isn't a good thing. Then again, who wants to read about someone that has nothing but good luck - you'd want to smack them around or drop a piano on them by the end of the book.
Merry, Please enter!! You'll see the rules--all forms of luck are encouraged. Including no luck. I said we're loose around here...
;-)
Mine's 78 words...hope I won't be penalized for the extra 3!
There are two things Holly Bailey has never known: Her father, and a sense of belonging. Holly’s only chance to learn her father’s true identity is her estranged and slightly daft grandmother, who tells her a ridiculous faery story that only leaves her frustrated. But Holly soon learns that the story isn’t so silly after all, and suddenly finds herself journeying through an ancient realm and back again searching for her father, herself, and a place to belong.
From "Lucky in Love" --
Lucky Stryker has it all—a successful career, world travel, a luxury penthouse condo—and bad luck in love. When Lady Luck introduces her to sexy cowboy Eric Blake on a business trip to Las Vegas, Lucky is entranced. But marrying a cowhand is not something she wants to risk. In a town built on high stakes, Lucky discovers that only when she’s willing to risk it all can she truly be “Lucky in Love.”
Julie - awesome...I want to know more!!
This is for my novel:
Luck you say? Niko Calender had some luck. Wouldn't have been picked for his school's honors project without it. Got to time travel, he did.
Not all of it was good, mind you. Had to travel through with his nemesis Cody.
Got a bit of a mess in pre-historic times. Time machine ran out of gas. Teacher got arrested because of a sneeze. That’s the thing about luck. Sometimes you gotta make your own.
Hey Chris,
I said we're loose around here...
You said it, not me :-) Sorry, it was too easy to pass up... excuse the uncontrollable punning.
This is the pitch for my current wip... and it's too long, but that's as much as I could figure out how to cut.
***
For Jack Poverelli, scrounging up food is a bigger worry than his test in Freshman Algebra, but he’s got friends who’ll help him keep the electric on when his mom’s too drunk to remember. When Jack and his buddies get arrested, he’s sent to live with his aunt and uncle in their swanky suburban neighborhood, while his mother gets her act together.
Life with the relatives means a full cupboard and disapproving glares from everyone around him. They all think they know who Jack is because of where he came from. Can he learn to control his temper and succeed in a place where he’s defined by his background? And if he can, will he lose his place in the neighborhood, and all of the people who had his back to begin with?
Hm, Merry. How much do you change who you are to match where you are?
Love this premise.
Embee,
Love that!!! I have a soft spot for fairies, though.
Strugglingwriter,
I'd so like to see more of this pitch! Sounds fun.
And Michelle Hickman's up near the beginning, with the story about the stone that has the power to heal but only if you've used it to kill - that one's awesome.
Thanks, Sarah, this one's a lot to flesh out so I'm having a hard time narrowing the pitch further... usually less is more but I feel like I'm losing something of the voice by taking out some of the rest of it.
It's 1987. Zach Random is a tour guide who in Barbados who has secretly been on the CIA payroll for 30 years. His identity as a CIA operative is so secret, in fact, that even the CIA isn't even aware they are paying him. But when a former KGB agent is found hanging by his necktie from Zach's balcony, Zach starts to worry that the CIA will start sniffing around and make trouble for him. To keep the gravy train running, Zach must solve the KGB agent's death before the CIA does... but when he finds out that the KGB agent had information about a secret Soviet weapon that could end the Cold War for good, will Zach have to admit he's in over his head?
Well, dang. I wish I wrote fun, bitchy books because after reading some of these pretty awesome pitches I want to write a fun, voice-filled, smart-ass pitch myself. Instead, I must settle for tragic and angsty.
SACRIFICING HEAVEN
Historical Novel
When theologian Pierre Abelard and his gifted student Heloise fall in love, they're certain God approves -- until Heloise's jealous uncle and Abelard's ecclesiastic rival intervene.
Hounded, castrated, and denounced a heretic, Abelard seeks exile as a monk. Heloise, pregnant and unrepentant, takes the veil. Forced apart by circumstance, kept apart by God, they bare their shameless desire in letters that will echo for a thousand years. But how long can their star-crossed love survive?
Do over without extra apostrophe, sorry.
Oh, much fun.
Lucky Malone’s adventures with her mother began the day she was born. Mollie named her Lucky and headed to Vegas five days later. At ten she was doing homework on a stakeout with her bounty hunter mother. Eighteen years of wild escapades were ending in a hospital bed where Mollie declared, “I want to see heaven, and I’d like you to go with me.”
Lucky wanted to see heaven also, but not just yet.
Sorry about that. I should never post anything before I have coffee.
If anyone is thinking, I mean just a whisper of a thought, of going out with co-workers to a St. Patty's Day lunch.....well, DON'T!
Stay at your computer and don't move.
:-)
There is delivery, yanno.
Ah, Chris. I will be at my computer - the one at work that doesn't let me get to blogs. Rather a big bummer and so unfair, but there you have it. They want me to work for my paycheck. And I'm not one of those AIG executives who can afford to retire now.
The Rat's pitch sounds promising as a YA novel, except for the end when it suddenly sounds romance-y.
Phoenix - that is deep and many layered in so few words. I applauded your talent at this.
Michelle - that's a strong moral issue. Very interesting.
Chris,
Thanks for hosting this fabulous shindig! Here is my pitch:
Beatrice was a lucky girl. In 1905
her dad owned the first doll hospital in New York. She learned how to fix and make dolls. Little did she know that during World War I, her family's luck would run out and threaten to close the doll hospital. That’s when Beatrice made Red Cross nurse dolls and save the family business. Later she changed her name to Madame Alexander and started the most famous doll company in the world.
Antony Danic depends on luck, as a corporate hit man he survives the darkness with his skills, wit, and the draw of a card. When the athiest assassin is called to be a prophet, he begins a process of deconstruction that will take him through the depths of a Hell he doesnt believe exists.
Have a blessed day everyone.
A,B, C, D, E,F, G . . . Who’s getting lucky? Not letter C. Alphabet Romance is the story of two noodles who meet in a bowl of soup. Alphabet Soup. When R gets tangled up with Q the fun begins. Until Evil X steps in. Q’s curves are tantalizing to X; he wants her all to himself. Forget you, R. You R not gonna win. My graphic novel YA is 47,000 angsty words. Slurp.
Sarah Garrigues' pitch has a good tone and sounds interesting... but I wish I had a better sense of what happens in the story. It's a tad vague.
Sarah, what age group is your pitch for? The character's 13, but the things she needs to accomplish shouldn't take much more than a picture book's length to accomplish, right? (Cracks, ladders, etc, aren't uncommon.) I think we need a better sense of what makes this a novel.
I liked Embee's pitch, except for the word "realm". Sounds like a hint of purple prose.
Lady Luck and Fate have been bitter rivals since before time. Like all sisters, they fight and argue, thinking that they know best. When they both try to make Lisa Bergenson's love life better, they not only fail, they end up ruining her life! Can Lady Luck and Fate stop fighting and work together to repair the damages they have caused poor Lisa?
Strugglingwriter:
Your novel sounds terse. Fragmented, even. Attempt longer sentences. Subclauses, perhaps.
Good luck.
Jon McCracken is not lucky in love. While in a coma he falls for Louise, who died a century ago. Trying to prove she existed stirs up past life memories from a different time altogether. And he doesn't believe in reincarnation.
Now his attraction is growing for the woman who was Lou, but she's still in love with another of Jon's past lives, Alex. What's a guy gotta do to live happily ever after?
Merry:
Don't know what "keep the electric on" means.
But the pitch reads well.
Still I wish I knew something about the middle or end of the plot, not just the beginning.
Mrs. Cleary, the voice in this pitch is very strong. I don't quite follow the thank-you notes, though. Is she thanking Mr. Krates for dying and drawing all the birds out of her garden? Or Mrs. Krates for -- well, for what? For murdering Mr. Krates and luring the birds away with his corpse? It's a strong pitch but that bit made me read it twice to see if I'd missed something. I'd probably still ask for a partial if this were in my genre, simply on the strength of the voice and concrete images.
Theresa
Wow! it looks like I'm one of the early risers. I had some business to take care of so I left earlier before this comment thread had really taken off.
But I'm back and trying to keep my eyes on this thread.
re: Editorial Anonymous:
A children's book about chess, underpants, and wedgies ... give me a few minutes to write the pitch. ;)
Seriously though, definitely not a children's book but not what I'd call a 'novel' either.
As someone new to this community what exactly are the publishers looking for who are following this thread?
Children's Book Author:
Fascinating premise. Pitch needs some polish, though-- the sentences don't flow as much as they could.
Editorial Anonymous - I was trying to be clever. I guess it didn't work :)
L.A.
Having trouble picturing a YA graphic novel about alphabet soup.
Colonel Crockett, this is an interesting slant on a social media book, but I find myself wondering how big the market is. Is it aimed at chess professionals (a smaller market) or online chess enthusiasts (perhaps a bigger market, but one that might already have internet skills)?
Theresa
Colonel:
Oh, I know it wasn't for kids. And I think I'm the only kids-only editor here, so the others should be the true judges of your pitch.
:)
Debra, this is YA, yes? I would like some sense of her obstacles and maybe something she plans to do to overcome them on her return path to the stage. We get the character, the goal, and the resolution, all of which are very useful. Add in some conflict, and you've got a strong pitch.
Theresa
Mandy, if this were my genre, I'd be asking for a full right now. Solid pitch!
Theresa
Sorry. Lurking here while planning adult literacy lesson on alphabet sounds . . . TOO MUCH COFFEE. As to the SERIOUS pitches, I like the Madame Alexander book idea. Michele, I find assassins and people who think they are prophets equally creepy, so I wonder how I will connect to the MC? Lots of cool book ideas here. Happy St. Pats. Day! Thanks for hosting this!
Tina, is it Tank or Tanks?
I like the premise and the goals, all of which are amusing and entertaining. The final sentence feels a bit pat -- if you get as vivid and concrete there as you are in the rest of the sentences, this will be a strong pitch.
Theresa
I hope you don't mind me crashing the party. I stumbled across this site and wanted to join in the fun.
RESCUE ME - romantic suspense
When Kat, a Search And Rescue coordinator, finds a man not meant to be found, he entrusts her with details to a murder, then is found murdered himself. How far will the killer go to stop Kat before she discovers his true identity? Her life now in danger, she turns to the one man she vowed to never trust again--Detective Spencer Allen. Kat may even forgive him enough to love him again--if she can stay alive.
(Sorry about the previous post/delete. I found a typo and wanted to correct it.)
~Allie
The Rat, I have such an urge to dig into this one for more information. Mainly want to know more about the hero. If he's a romance bad boy, present him as such in the query. Everything that's already here is fine, but you need to convince me the hero is a good romantic hero, too.
Theresa
Sarah, I'm a bit out of my depth on this one. Not familiar with kid lit or kid lit pitching conventions. That said, I would like to know why Henry is bald, and I would like a stronger sense of playfulness.
Theresa
Well, now that you mentioned you guys are loose around here...not sure about appropriate structure but here goes:
HEART OF THE KINGDOM;
Luckily the Evil One has granted the people of Atteria one final chance to banish the pestilence from their lands. The key is love.
Enter:
A warrior on a quest.
A maiden (imprisoned) with a plan.
Both needing to sacrifice.
One requiring unconditional love.
The other craving unrestricted freedom.
A heated seduction.
A tender betrayal.
A broken trust, creating bitterness that the lovers must conquer so that the ‘Heart of the Kingdom’ can be won.
Michelle, it's a compelling moral dilemma. I'm intrigued. I would like some hint of plot complications, because it seems to me that once the moral decision is made, there might not be much plot remaining. It would make for a short book.
Theresa
Edittorrent (Theresa),
I was using the term "chess professional" a bit loosely in the pitch.
You see, the idea was that the core group that would recommend a chess slanted social media book would be the professionals. I made the pitch around that idea. However, the real audience of the book (chess enthusiasts, as you picked up on) do have some basic knowledge of the internet and its power but are lacking in alot of key areas:
1. Basic HTML: too often chess bloggers (etc.) will try to write their own HTML and the code is just very sloppy.
2. FB and Myspace: I see thousands of chessplayers using these sites regularly but not to gain interest in chess ... a kind of oddity among the enthusiasts ... they love chess but forget to recruit new players wherever possible.
3. The list of misuse could go on and on but I think you've got where it's going...
So while the book's market has some internet skills they need to crank it up a notch to be very effective in keeping chess a recognized mindsport (as I said in the original pitch).
Thanks for asking a legitimate question, Theresa. I hope my response wasn’t too longwinded.
Anton
Pink Ink, it's an intriguing premise and setting, but I don't know how to peg it for marketing. The reunited lovers plot makes it sound like romance, but then the second lover in the middle gets in the way. Women's fiction? But then the reunited lovers plot seems to intrude.
Theresa
Ello, is this a real book? I thought the pitch was hilarious. Clever, and good comic timing.
Theresa
re: Murphy:
You're worried about proper pitch format - I'm a chess writer and most of those kinds of books are about playing chess.
no standard pitch in my topic (I hesitate to use the word 'Genre').
Sarah Laurenson, this sounds like a picture book from the pitch. I can imagine several little girls I know becoming enchanted with a picture book like that, but the heroine might need to be a bit younger.
Theresa,
again out of her depth with the kid lit, but shooting her mouth off anyway
Breaking the comment flow to yet again ask my newby questions. Has a Pitch Party ever been held on Twitter with a Hashtag?
Josephine, I object! I'm a former lawyer with about a decade of courtroom experience under my belt. Without getting all lawyerish on you, let me just suggest you rethink the mother's ability to be an expert witness.
Otherwise, this is a decent pitch, and the closing is particularly strong.
Theresa
Margay, how does being born female lead to keeping a maiden name after marriage? I don't follow that detail, but I like the conflict you've set up in this pitch. Explain the maiden name a bit better, and the pitch will be pretty solid.
Theresa
Edittorrent and Editorial Anonymous: Thanks for the feedback! I see exactly where your points are. Anonymous: I'll work on the cheesy romance thing between Eme and Joseph. Editorrent: I'll work on the romantic bad boy hero thing. :) I hope you realize how much we, the writers, appreciate this. Very cool of you. Very cool.
Great to read all the exciting pitches. So, I've decided to jump in--without a life-jacket. I've no idea if I can swim. Thanks to all the editors taking time out to help in this crucial exercise.
KILLERWHEELZ-OR HOW SARAS BECAME SARA -- Genre: Young Adult
"Sara, half-Indian, half-American, shares Papa’s dreams for her future, when she travels to America for her last year in school. Far from home, she begins to dream on her own. But a passion for art only upsets Papa, and driving on the wrong/right side of the road proves deadly. Online, she meets KillerWheelz—obnoxious, funny, just as down on his luck. Will their relationship reinforce their despair, or help lift them out of it?"
I'll take all the help I can get. Thanks!
wow, this has been quite a turnout. i go away for lunch and there are 60 more comments!
Beth Caudill, so...it's not really a romance because the events all happen after the HEA moments. My second guess is a Twilight-style YA paranormal, but there aren't any teenaged characters. I don't know who the audience is for this.
That said, it's an intriguing concept and sounds like a fun story. I just don't know who is meant to read it.
Theresa
No reaction to my Zach Random pitch. Man, I worked for like 5 minutes on that.
Colonel:
Thanks. First time jitters - being a virgin to the ‘pitch’ and all...man, I haven’t been one of those in –? Well, never mind...Although the process was kinda familiar, if you know what I mean? It's like getting naked in front of someone, after you've just eaten a huge bowl of garlic pasta!
Embee, this is solid and well-crafted. Maybe needs a dash of magic. Pizazz. Something to enliven it. But don't mess with it too much. It's already got most of what we need.
Theresa
Kathy Holmes, why is it a risk to marry a cowboy? Because she's rich and he's a working class guy? But if she's rich, she can afford to marry for reasons other than financial stability.
In other words, I'm not sure the romantic conflict works. But the pitch is snappy and there's a strong voice here. I'm intrigued by the heroine. Maybe keep her and tinker with the rest.
Theresa
My pitch for Camp Wylde:
Drew is “just a girl,” at least that’s how her new dark-elf boyfriend describes her to his family. And she’s never felt that more profoundly than at Wylde Lake summer camp, where all of the fairies and monsters are waking up in the surrounding forest and coming after Drew...who is just a girl, and, incidentally, the girl an ancient prophecy says will stop the darkness from taking over the Fae by sacrificing herself to the light. Lucky her...
Edittorrent: Awesome, thanks! I struggled to keep it near 75 words as per the instructions. With more words would come more pizazz!!
Diesel--to be honest, I quite like it, although it doesn't sound at all like my type of book. But the premise seems very promising.
I'll admit I'm not crazy about the opening "It's 1987." Maybe "Barbados, 1987." would be stronger.
Also, wish I knew a TINY bit more about Barbados, and about Zach himself. Throw me an adjective! Lonely? Moody? Smelly?
(my thoughts!)
Merry, give me a reason to cheer for Jack. Tell me what it is about him in particular that makes his redemption worth reading about. I keep thinking of The Fresh Prince, who had abundant charm and integrity despite his problems. Jack's problems are clear, but I want a sense of him as a heroic character.
Theresa
Murphy:
Don't sweat it - editors are people too. I didn't sweat my pitch that much because I didn't think there would be many publishers/editors in this group with interest in it (as it is centered towards chess enthusiasts and publishers/editors may be hessitant to venture into an area they know next to nothing about).
I'm looking for either a chess publisher, a social media publisher, or an editor or publisher with a wild hair. ;)
Mandy: What's the title of your work, it sounds interesting?
Ello, you put a smile on my face.
Murphy: I just love warriors on a quest and maidens who want to screw it all up! Is Heart of the Kingdom one of these books?
Must temporarily leave the party and pretend to work for a living. Will return as soon as I can escape my real duties. :)
This is fun! Thanks so much for letting me play here today!
Theresa
Consolation will die on her eighteenth birthday, as each of the women in her family have before. Armed with her Sylvia Plath memorabilia and a bottle of Tequila, she’ll meet the family curse head on. When death doesn’t come, she hasn’t a clue what to do. Led to a women’s shelter, she finds resurrection in the form of a small boy. When death comes calling, this time she fights for what she’s come to love.
OK, I lied. Time for one more--
Diesel, KGB vs. CIA circa 1987 is a tough sell. (Or so I'm told -- just had a conversation the other day with someone in the know about this exact thing.)
I like the detail about hanging with the necktie. I like Barbados. I like the super-secret aspect and the high stakes. Does it have to be KGB and CIA in 1987?
Theresa
Thanks, Theresa. I think in my quest to reduce the pitch word count to 75 words, I lost the details of why the cowboy doesn't work for her. :) My slightly longer blurb shows that. Good exercise and good point to keep in mind should I need a 75-word pitch. Thanks again.
Theresa, It's not YA but rather women's fiction/humor. Here's the slightly longer pitch for "Sparks Fly Sometimes: Confessions of a Rock Princess":
Jenny’s experience as a rock goddess in the Denver music scene does nothing to prepare her for life as a domestic goddess in the suburbs of Philly. As her husband, Nate morphs from a long-haired Catholic musician into a short-haired Jewish doctor; Jenny gets her Cinderella on and trades her rock star tiara for a domestic goddess crown.
But all is not sparkling in suburbia. Marital mayhem ensues in the form of a beautiful assistant DA interested in a threesome, a wealthy heiress with eyes for Nate, and a handsome British rock club owner who falls hard for Jenny.
These spicy temptations, along with her reignited craving for fame, put Jenny's marriage and second shot at stardom at risk of complete combustion.
Leigh blames herself for her grandmother’s death and seeks redemption by rescuing others. Cara blames herself for her boyfriend’s death and withdraws so she won't let anyone else down.
Their opposing ways of dealing with guilt converge on new ninth-grader Mia, who needs a friend but not rescuing. It is the girl who is down on her luck who eventually helps Leigh and Cara find forgiveness and courage to live without their respective crutches.
This is for my new YA WIP. It's rough but I can't pass up this chance. Thanks for hosting, Book Roast, and thanks for your time, editors.
I too wish I could write breezy, funny books but this is the one that's on my mind right now.
Josephine, I really liked yours. All these pitches seem like real ones to me! I'd be interested to know which ones were just a writing exercise and which ones are actual WIP's.
And today is St. Patrick's day? Cripees. I'm not prepared!
Colonel:
Definitely go with the one with the wild hair, sound so much more interesting, doesn’t it? And hey, if I was going to stress out totally over throwing one down - I’d probably be freaking right about now, I just reviewed my post and saw a semi colon after my title....but I’m not. For the record? The ‘ ; ’ is silent for those of you who were wondering, okay?:P
Babs:
Yup, in this book it’s the Heroine who wants her freedom and it’s up to the Hero to convince her otherwise...but um, if you’re getting the milk for free (cause he can’t keep his hands off her)...why would she ever feel the need to purchase the cow?
Fun. Had to play. A MG premise, with a 'lucky' twist. ;)
Shimmin’ Jimmin’ Jones had Downed the Duty (a curdled shake with hot sauce), Flipped the Filly (back flip in Mare Creek) and Rocked the House (no explo-Nation needed!) But when he tells his brother he’s Gotten Lucky, he doesn’t quite know what that means or how his best friend Aspraphel is going to react when she finds out. When Jimmy's brother starts flappin’ his mouth at school, Jimmy’s life suddenly gets a LOT more complicated!
Theresa - thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I was actually hoping for the story to come off more like YA historical romance. Like Pocahontas meets Pirates of the Carribbean, except of course it's set in the Philippines :-P Obviously, I still have to hone my pitch.
The story is inspired by real historical events when slave-raiders used to attack Spanish forts in the Philippines. 16 year old Princess Juzliza is torn between loyalty to her people and success with her Spanish allies. And torn between an audacious slave-raider (former lover) and a gallant Spanish officer.
Editorial Anonymous & Edittorrent:
Thanks for the feedback! Since you both expressed an interest in wanting to know more, here you go.
My 375-word picture book, HENRY HAS NO HAIR, illustrates how a young boy allows the cosmetic debility of alopecia areta to not only define who he is, but to empower him. The story's tone is light, however (his condition is never outright named). Rather than focusing on the illness, Henry shares with his classmates all the many ways he is lucky to be bald. After all, who needs hair for a younger sister to pull? His natural confidence and positivity is enough to charm the whole class in minutes.
macaronipants: A WIP, not just an exercise.
Editorrent: Science is now light years ahead of our laws.
It's not the mother who's an expert witness, but she becomes a un-charged defendant, so to-speak, along side her son as the neuropsychiatrist delves into the mother's mental illness and brain biology, which the mother passed along to her son.
WEDDING FOR ONE
Maddie Carlisle’s realizes, this is year she is getting married! The fact she has no prospective groom is a mere detail until she meets psychiatrist Dr. Wyatt Winston. Only, feigning insanity wasn’t exactly on her roster of to do’s … and is the fact she had his mother arrested in an FBI sting operation really considered a bad omen? Can Maddie salvage her sanity and her relationship before her luck runs out?
It's women's fiction. It was very hard to slice and dice my pitch to 75 words, but it was fun trying!
Sarah: I like the idea of "HENRY HAS NO HAIR" but I think it's been done ... at least the plot formula.
Josephine: uncharged defendant? maybe I'm just ignorant on the issue but wouldn't that be just a hostile witness? (nice pitch, btw)
oops forgive my pluralization of her name. Note to self: do not enter pitch while preparing brisket. *sigh*
Pitch for "liar's luck"
Can a fourteen-year-old farm boy and his new friends survive ninth grade in the world's capitol when someone's using luck to get them all expelled? This diverse group must first trust each other and overcome their own prejudice before finding out! Their story is brought to life in the refreshing, fun, and contemporary young adult fantasy, "liar’s luck". Using strong male and female characters, it conveys the feelings, emotions, and eventual triumph of teen outcasts.
EA and Editorrent:
Thanks so much for the feedback!!!
Chris,
Do we get to vote on our favorites or just wait for our guest Editors to post theirs?
No comments for my Lady Luck and Fate as sisters pitch. Oh well.
Hi Everyone!
And WOW!! Special thanks to the editors for helping and teaching us!!!
I was going to put up a new post so it doesn't take as long for the screen to refresh, but I like having these in one chain. Let's see how it goes....
Merry, at 7:00pm (3 short hours folks!!), the editors are going to email me with their 3 favorites, which I'll post at 9pm. Maybe a readers poll.... will see if I can get it to look clean.
Thanks all!!!!
:-)
Here is my pitch for Sweet Revenge it's a suspense/romance.
The luck of the Irish….that is what it will take for Maggie and Sean to survive the next forty-eight hours. A plan worked out to the smallest detail hits a major pot hole when they are discovered breaking into the offices of a local mob boss. On the run they must dodge bullets, avoid cops, and control an attraction to each other that may prove more deadly than those chasing them. All for little Sweet Revenge.
Hi, I'm PJ O'Brien, and this is my first time posting to this site, as well as my first pitch and my first novel. So am I nervous? Just a tad. I am awed by the quality of the pitches already here. Great stuff. My novel is YA fantasy called "Harper's Stone." And here is my pitch:
With an unwanted dragon etched on her belly, teen-aged Lady Fiona is plagued by bad luck and peculiar powers. Forced to flee the king's court, she transforms herself into a man, a traveling harper. But when she plays her ancient harp, she taps into the song of creation, the elemental power in all things, and finds herself the central player in an age-old conflict to control the world.
Just my "luck" - no comment on my post. :-(
Ah well.
Mine's for a real wip.
And what a fun way to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.
ack!! so many pitches and i forgot my glasses!! my misery :(
Nicolette:
I liked the premise. Lots of room to create. Does your story start with the sisters ruining her life or have they already ruined her life and the 'start' is where they have to fix it?
That Other Place:
Sarah’s given up on being cancer-free. The twelve-year-old doesn’t feel lucky to have a brain tumor. But she is. She’s even luckier to be in a coma after brain surgery. In the coma, Sarah’s transported into a medieval adventure that challenges her wish to die. She fights with courage on her dangerous journey. Triumphant, she awakens and knows she wants to survive no matter what. And the luckiest thing of all? The tumor is benign.
Bad luck comes in threes, they say. The trick lies in knowing what order.
When geeky dropout Wensum Loosome consults the oracle of his navel while scrying over a girl, he has no idea the fates have already stitched him up with a match.
But is it the pre-op transvestite or the teen crack whore with rickets?
Or the needy girl with the magical box she should never ever have opened?
Theresa, part of the Delaney's curse is there are no sons born to them, only daughters. That is why the daughters keep the name; so it won't die out.
Margay
Nicolette - I know you want editor comments, but I like the concept of Lady Luck and Fate being battling sisters. Could be very interesting!
Phoenix, I've always loved the story of Abelard and Heloise. Many people do. What makes your treatment of it stand out from past adaptations? Your pitch is solidly written, but I want to know why *this* Heloise and Abelard story, and not one of the others.
Theresa
DebraL:
I'd want to read this. I like your last line and thunderously? great word.;)
Julie Weathers, I'm not clear on the shape of your book. Does it cover 18 years and end in the hospital room? Or is the 18 years part of the premise, and the book starts with the conflict presented in the hospital room?
I think you have fun characters and an intriguing premise, but I'm not clear on the plot.
Theresa
Children's Book Author, that's a great story. Do you have the rights to it?
Theresa
Nicolette: I like the premise as well. Very clever. It seems to me this is going to be a humorous book and I wonder if maybe your pitch could reflect that even more.
LA, this is such a fun concept! If this were my genre, I might request it because the voice is so strong, the premise is fun, and I'm already curious about how this concept plays out over the length.
Theresa
Nicolette, is this a story about the two sisters or about the human? I like the idea of the sisters waging war on each other with human pawns, and I like the light tone. This feels like a fun story. But who do I cheer for?
Theresa
Colonel Crockett,
As a parent of a toddler with alopecia, I have only been able to locate two picture book titles related to the disorder (Princess Alopecia by Yaacov Peterseil and Avi Katz; and Bella Gets a New Sweater by Jodi Pliszky).
Both of which did fulfill my son's (or my own) requirements for a good book.
If you were suggesting the more general plot involving a child facing his [INSERT ILLNESS] and overcoming it, then yes it has been done...
BUT...
I have striven to craft HENRY HAS NO HAIR with a different twist.
My protagonist does not begin as a shy, insecure boy and then magically morph into a self-assured hero of sorts. Rather, Henry enters the story with confidence. He walks into the first day of school, not worried over how the children might look at him, but happy and carefree.
All children (and adults too) have something about themselves they could allow to become a crutch in their lives. This story is not just a nitch novel geared towards families struggling with alopecia. The larger theme in HENRY HAS NO HAIR is to love yourself. All children can relate in the same way a Caucasian little girl can pick up Karen Beaumont's 'I Like Myself' and learn self-confidence.
So, yes similar plots have been done (which plots can't be boiled down to other ones?), but this is still a story worth telling.
~Sarah Garrigues
Aileen, interesting concept. I find myself wanting to turn to the synopsis to see how you would resolve this apparently insurmountable conflict. You've definitely got my attention, and I'm generally iffy on time travel romance.
Theresa
Sarah: You've convinced me. Very good response to my enquiry.
Murphy LOL! It's one I would read. I never even noticed the silent ;.
Thanks, Theresa! The time travel is more of an instigating event. The majority of the plot is in the present with flashes of dreams or memories telling the story of the past lives.
Allie:
It's not clear what "details to a murder" means. A murder that's already been committed or one that's planned?
Colonel Crockett,
Thanks for following up. I always appreciate feedback (of any type). Besides, it was a fair question, one that an agent or editor might ask pose to me in the future. Your inquiry gave me a chance to prepare an answer. So thanks again!
~Sarah Garrigues
Allie, I'm trying to remember ever having seen a Search & Rescue person in a romantic suspense submission. This really catches my attention because it's not another reporter heroine, and the S&R angle feels fresh and genre appropriate.
The rest of it -- I'd like it to be more specific, and I'd like to know what distinguishes it from other murdered witness/woman in jeopardy stories. Work on that aspect, and an already solid pitch becomes much stronger.
Theresa
Sarah: You've got enough passion behind your story. I liked it -Good luck with it!:)
And Babs? It's there and driving me absolutely nuts.
Colonel:
Though I know as much chess as the next guy, I'm not clear on what your book is. A book that aims to teach chess professionals to use Twitter? It sounds more like an article to submit to Chess Life and Review. I don't think the audience is big enough.
Thanks Murphy!
Hi, Murphy! *waves*
Do they know that if they love each other, the pestilence will leave the kingdom? What's stopping them from loving each other?
I want this to be a little more specific with plot details. Who imprisoned her? The hero? Or is he the rescuer?
Theresa
For seventeen-year-old Bethany Thompson, love is a tangle of excitement, hurt, and secrets. Her girlfriend, Jude Wilson, ignites passion in her but keeping their relationship a secret costs her help and support when Jude’s words tear at her. As Beth struggles to create a future for herself, she must fight the subtle, confusing, and destructive effects of verbal abuse in her life.
Some kids would think having a lion-tamer-dad and a teacher named Bubbles the Clown a bit strange, but for Zippy, life in center ring is just perfect. But when Dad gets LUCKY and scores a job in a stay-in-one place circus, it’s time for Zippy to go to a stay-in-one place school. How will she ever be the star of the show in a school?
Colonel, I get it. I'm glad to see you've thought through the target market and why they need this book. Now just throw in an estimate of the size of this market segment, and you might have yourself a good start on a NF proposal.
Theresa
Yat-Yee:
Without the 75-word limit perhaps my questions would have been answered (like, why do these girl feel guilty?). With the limit, maybe start out Leigh and Cara are dealing with guilt over the deaths of loved ones when new 9th-grader Mia shows up. That leaves more room to tell us about Mia's bad luck and how she helps.
Murphy:
Sorry, you lost me at "the key is love."
Murphy, Thanks! I needed a little boost today. Check out my blog so you'll know when the Perfect Agent waltzes into my life, gets down on bended knee, hands me a bouquet of brilliant red roses, offers me a shiny, new Jag as a "new relationship" gift, and sends me to live on a winery in France so I can remain perpetually inspired (and tipsy!). Time-wise I'm thinking this little tete-a-tete should happen approximately a week from Thursday.;-)
Thank you, Evil Editor. I'll work on it.
Word
I love the twist to your story. Running away to the circus was always an exciting idea when I was a kid. Settling down in one place, on the other hand--oh such a challenge. I'm intrigued.
Rilla, who dies?
Jhumpa Lahiri is one of my favorite authors, and I love the idea of a Lahiri-like YA story. Would you describe this more as YA romance or a coming of age tale? That's not clear from the pitch.
Theresa
Rilla: If someone died because of driving on the wrong side of the road, I wouldn't use the term down on her luck. If no one died, I wouldn't use the term "deadly." Unless you explain.
Cat:
Too vague. Spell it out. And give us some plot.
Heather, are the fairies and monsters allies or enemies? I love this concept and the pitch makes me want to read more.
Theresa
Murhpy, the story starts with the Lady Luck and Fate, them fighting and acting more or less like human sisters.
Embee, thanks for the kind words!
Yat-Yee, it is a fun, quirky story. I’m trying to make it humorous. Putting that into the pitch sounds like a good idea to me.
Edittorrent (Theresa), the story centers on the sisters and their relationship between each other and the control they have on humans. But mostly the sisters.
Thank you all for reading and commenting on my pitch!
Evil Editor:
The murder has already happened. Maybe I should use the word "unsolved" to explain it has already happened.
Thanks!
macaronipants, is the curse passed through the male line onto the females? Or do the women all just have babies before they turn 18?
The pitch starts off very strong, grabs my attention, and then flattens out a little at the end. Make the boy come to life and tell me why death comes back into the picture.
Theresa
For Edittorent and Editorial Anonymous,
Thanks so much for your comments. As for rights, Beatrice Alexander is no longer living. Company representatives have been supportive of this project.
Barbara (forgot to put my name with my pitch)
Theresa (Edittorrent): Thank you! I got a little thrill reading your comment. :-)
Babs: My mermaid/siren story is called A RIPPLE UPON THE WATER, after a line in ODYSSEY. I might just let it go by RIPPLE
Edittorrent:
I'm an avid participant in SAR and have seen enough "suspense" to last two lifetimes. I'm looking to use this book as the first in a series of SAR suspense books.
I'll work on this pitch to give it more detail without making it too wordy. Thanks so much!
I'm pitching at Lori Foster's retreat as well as RWA this year, so this really helps. I appreciate your input.
~Allie
Debra, your second pitch is much clearer and stronger. Good job! I know there's that whole 75 word thing going on here today, but I just wanted you to know that second pitch worked much better for me.
Theresa
Thanks, Editorrent.
Sara kills a schoolmate, one year junior to her, who coincidentally has been making her life miserable. The reader does not find out who dies until well into the story. However, I see now that the pitch does not have to follow suit! I will include that information, as well as emphasize that though the book does include romance, it really is a coming-of-age story.
Thanks again for your time!
Rilla
Yat-Yee, I think Leigh and Cara are presented well. I want a clearer snapshot of Mia, too, though.
They don't have to be snappy or breezy to catch our attention. Tone, specificity, authorial control, marketability -- these are the things I listen for.
Theresa
Adrian, I like your boy protagonist. He seems like a lot of fun. I can't comment on whether you could get away with a premise like this in MG, but your character sure is fun.
Theresa
Thanks for your comment, Evil Editor.
I'm afraid I'm guilty of inserting the "down on her luck" line to comply with the theme of today's Pitch Party and stick to the rules! It will not appear in the pitch again, I promise, because, yes, someone does die.
Thanks again for taking the time to help me out.
Rilla
@edittorrent The fairies and monsters are a little of both: allies and enemies.. those Fae creatures are so unpredictable. ahahahaha
Yay! Thanks!
Josephine Damian, I totally get what you're saying, but if your book is staged in a courtroom, you're going to have to figure out a credible way to present the law part of this story. I actually like the premise.
Theresa
Sarah,
It IS a story worth telling. I went through losing every last strand of hair about five years ago. I'd never even heard of alopecia prior to this happening to me. I was one of the lucky ones in that my hair did grow back but...oh what a journey of emotions.
As hard as it was to deal with as an adult, I know it would have been even harder had this happened during childhood or those wonderful tween / teen years. Good for you for writing this!
Word
Richard McDuff, cut the last two sentences out of this pitch and give us concrete plot details instead.
Theresa
Theresa, Thanks. I'm glad you like the second pitch better. That's basically my query. I appreciate your comments!
T.Anne, this has an almost Jenny Crusie feel to it, which is a good thing. If I remember right, the heroine in her "Tell Me Lies" was also named Maddie.
From your pitch, I would've pegged this more as romantic comedy than as WF. I'd like to hear more about Wyatt and what kind of man he is.
Theresa
Rules to live by with a Rogarian Beloved:
1. Never let your Beloved dictate what you can and can’t do. Otherwise you’ll end up living in a gilded cage like a parakeet.
2. Learn how to block your Beloved’s mind from your own. This way you’ll be able to shop in peace and keep your sanity.
3. Dragons do breathe fire. Know just how far you can provoke them or make sure you have an available escape route.
4. Dragons are very possessive, tend to be violent, and don’t tolerate any other lovers. So don’t push your luck…
5. Never refer to your Beloved as a big scaly lizard (see rule number 2).
6. A happy dragon is a complacent dragon and is easily managed. Really…
Post a Comment