Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thursday's Special Is...Vamped!


VAMPED by Lucienne Diver

Order from Amazon.

Visit Lucienne:
As agent
As author
As hybrid

From “Valley Vamp Rules for Surviving Your Senior Prom” by fashionista Gina Covello

Do not get so loaded at the after prom party that you accidentally-on-purpose end up in the broom closet with the surprise hottie of the evening, say the class chess champ who’s somewhere lost his bottle-cap lenses and undergone an extreme makeover, especially if that makeover has anything to do with becoming one of the undead.


Gina Covella has a problem. Waking up a dead is just the beginning.
There's little she can't put up with for the sake of eternal youth and beauty. Blood-sucking and pointy stick phobias seem a small price to pay. But she draws the line when local vampire vixen Mellisande gets designs on her hot new boyfriend with his prophecied powers and hatches a plot to turn all of Gina’s fellow students into an undead army to be used to overthrow the vampire council.

Hey, if anyone's going to create an undead entourage, it should be Gina! Now she must unselfishly save her classmates from fashion disaster and her own fanged fate.



Excerpt for Vamped:

Gina Covello's “Valley Vamp Rules for Surviving Your Senior Prom” from the spring issue of Modern Goth Magazine:

  1. Don’t go strapless. I don’t care how sexy you think it is, you’re going to spend half the night tugging your dress back into place. If by some miracle it’s tight enough to stay put, chances are you’ve got overhang. And let me just say for the record, “Ew.”

  2. Do not get so loaded at the after-prom party that you accidentally-on-purpose end up in the broom closet with the surprise hottie of the evening—say the class chess champ who’s somewhere lost his Coke-bottle lenses and undergone an extreme makeover—especially if that makeover has anything to do with becoming one of the undead.

  3. If because of said chess champ’s ridiculously irresistible vamp mojo you’re compelled to skip Rule #2, do not let your extremely jealous boyfriend—let’s call him "Chaz"—catch you.

  4. Never get into a car, no matter how well the cherry red finish goes with your gown, with anyone who’s been drinking or just found you in a compromising position with the mother of all hickeys forming on your neck—just for example.

  5. If you’ve ignored the previous rules—and I mean, seriously, give some thought to #1 (talk about wardrobe malfunction)—make sure you have a death plan. It’s kinda like an emergency plan, but, you know, for death. For example, make sure there’s absolutely nothing in your closet you wouldn’t be caught dead in, because it’s a freakin' guarantee that’s what they’ll dress you in for the viewing. You also may want to leave some kind of instructions behind about not being buried for four days—at which point you’re either risen or beyond caring—because digging yourself out of the ground, not to mention prying open the damned coffin, is hell on your manicure.

  6. Now, chances are that in the midst of everything, Rule #5 never even popped up on your radar. I get that. So, you’re famished and filthy, but, hey, you’ve survived—better than a certain somebody’s cherry red convertible anyway. Now, to keep up that trend. Normally, I wouldn’t advocate going about in public without freshening up, but here’s a tip: blood is never fashion forward. Chances are as a newly risen vamp, you’re going to be a bit, um, indelicate in your feeding, so you may want to eat first, shop later.

  7. Here’s where it gets dicey. Vamps have no reflection. Yeah, don’t even get me started. No way at all to fix your hair and make-up. Who wants to go through eternity a total shlub? I mean, what a cosmic joke, right? My recommendation: turn your own stylist, start an entourage, whatever it takes.

  8. Okay, so you’re fed, you’re fab. Chances are your geek-boy sire is waiting in the wings somewhere expecting you to be his sex slave for all eternity. Girls, all I can say is I don’t care if the man is the second coming of Brad Pitt, you make him work for it. Begin as you mean to continue. You’re young, beautiful, and, as long as you avoid stakes and beheadings, immortal. The world is your oyster. Make him crack it open and set the pearls (preferably in platinum).


*******************************

Are you all ready to mix it up to win a free copy of VAMPED? The person who wins over Lucienne with the answer to this question gets eternal bragging rights:

In your opinion, what's the sexiest chess piece? If it became real, what would be its signature move?

Keep the party going!

45 comments:

jason evans said...

Welcome, Lucienne! Let's get Vamped! I've got my chess board ready. Who's making the first move?

Michelle H. said...

Welcome to the book roast blog Lucienne!

I happened to stop by when hearing someone wanted to play chess. I have a free moment from work so I'll make a quick move.

I'll say the Rook is about the sexiest piece on the board. He's stout, large in his role, always sure in his moves when chasing down the pawns, and patient to sit in the corner knowing you are saving him as best for last.

Move him straight up the Queen's dress.

Lucienne said...

Hey, all, getting my coffee all together and preparing to get roasted! Fumes just don't seem to be enough this morning!

Lucienne said...

Oh, and I'd have to say the sexiest chess piece is the Queen. I mean, man, can she move! Clearly, she’s got all the power in that relationship. If the King gets pinned down, it’s all over, but if you get too close to the queen, she’ll cut you. I think her signature move would have to be the horizontal hustle.

jason evans said...

I can see Lucienne has wandering thoughts when she plays chess!

Lucienne said...

Jason, actually, normally I'd go for he knight, but since I'm writing YA any comments about hung like a horse just seemed inappropriate!

Anna Destefano said...

The Castle, ladies! Strong and quiet, until he swoops in from the other side of the field of play and Mates!!! He's a watcher and strongly protective. Brooding and waiting for his chance to strike. Much more creative and versitile that you give him credit for--and he knows how to use those low expectations to his advantage ;o)

Crystal Jordan said...

I say the bishop! All those diagonal moves says he knows how to shake those hips.

jason evans said...

Lucienne, how well do your writer life and agent life live together? Do you find one augments the other? Brings some extra edge to the table? Or do you have to construct a wall (or least chain-link fence) between them?

Lucienne said...

Jason,
You know, it's funny, I just did a blog on Magical Words about this: http://magicalwords.net/specialgueststars/special-guest-friday-lucienne-diver/. My agent and author side are a lot like the night and day shift. They pass each other when they clock in and out, but they don't really socialize outside of work. I write from 5:30 to 6:30 a.m. every morning, so that I'm up before both my family and my inner agent/editor. Once my agent brain kicks in, after copious amounts of caffeine, I'm thinking about the pitch letters I have to write that day, the contracts I have to negotiate, the calls to be made.... It's too distracting. And I =love= my day job. Love my authors (Hey, Crystal!) and so the agenting really calls to me every bit as much as the writing.

Lucienne said...

Also, even though I know things intellectually, as an agent who's been there and done that, it's all different when you're on the other side of the table and you have all the insecurities about your baby(manuscript) and how it will be perceived. I often find I make my agent (yes, I have one who's not me so that during the day I can focus on my clients' work) tell me things I already know because I need the security of confirmation when I'm wearing my author hat.

jason evans said...

That makes a lot of sense, Lucienne. I'm a lawyer, and you know what they say when you act as your own lawyer. There's a different confidence when you have a distance.

I imagine that even though your sides are on different shifts, it does add some important perspective and empathy.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Sexy chess pieces? Hm. I prefer backgammon myself. Those pieces may all look alike, but how they move sets each one apart. And you never know which one will be the next to break out of the pack.

That's some great insight on the author/agent aspects, Lucienne! I think it always helps to see things from the other side. It's like dancing - if you want to be a good leader than learn how to follow so you know what it is you're asking your followers to do when you lead.

Charles Gramlich said...

Hey, Chess players have all the right moves!

I have to say I've never really thought of any of my chess pieces as sexy. I suppose if I had to chose I'd take the Queen since she's the only clear female on the board.

Lucienne said...

Sarah, I used to have a great backgammon game I played against the computer. Enjoyed it not just for the challenge, but because the animated characters liked to kibbitz (sp?). I'm so swamped these days I don't get to play anymore!

Charles, oh, I'm sure some of the pawns are women. Weren't they always? (Marry here, provide an heir....) For some reason, I have the work song from Cinderella stuck in my head now: "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, Night and day it's Cinderelly, Make the fire, fix the breakfast..."

strugglingwriter said...

Sexiest Chess Piece?
The Pawn. Why? Because I'm pretty sure if life is a Chess game, I'm a pawn.

The Pawn's signature move would be the power... to move you. Or, to just sit around while the other pieces move it, like usual.

jason evans said...

I like that the pawns are getting airtime!

laughingwolf said...

welcome back, lucienne... sassy excerpt, jason :O

the sexiest chess piece, bar none: the lowly pawn!

it's the only one, once it crosses the entire board [due to the inattention/inability of your opponent] that can become another QUEEN, and we all know about their sexy moves, right? ;) lol

but her signature move has to be the slaying of anything and everything that may be unlucky enough to cross her charmed and protected path :)

Leigh Court said...

Hmm...gotta vote for the pawn. He's heroic -- always ready to lay down his life to further the game. He's dependable -- always in the front lines of any attack. He may not be the flashiest piece on the board, but for me, there's something sexy about the strong, silent type who always has you covered!

Great discussion!

Leigh

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Hi Lucienne, Jason and crew:
Gotta say I love the zine excerpt, hilarious. Since nobody has picked the King, poor man gets no respect, I will. If we mix up VAMPED and the Tudors, the king can forsake head lopping for neck sucking. Still bloody but so much sexier. Cheers!

jason evans said...

Oooh, good one, Tricia!! Vive le roi.

jason evans said...

Lucienne, being the market expert you are, did you sit down to plan Vamped with the market in mind? Or is your writer self fiercely independent? Did it demand to write what moves you regardless of the market?

Lucienne said...

Tricia, I agree with Jason - good one!

Jason - my writer self is, as you say, fiercely independent. My novels always start with characters talking in my head. The only way to keep myself sane is to write them out. My stories are dictated by those chracters. I think if I were to try to write something to market it would be lifeless, because it would be a chore and not something muse-driven.

Sarah Hina said...

I like your voice and humor here, Lucienne! It sounds like a really fun read. :)

I, too, was going to say the pawn, because he's likely the most motivated of the pieces. The only place he can go is up, right? ;)

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Lucienne,
Interesting comment about being muse-driven, rather than market-driven. It made me think about the buzz surrounding steampunk these days and how relevant such spikes are to writers. I even wondered if I should reset a YA novel I'm working on forward to Victorian, rather than Renaissance era. Do you think at all in terms of such things as contemporary is selling better than historical? I would imagine, wearing your assorted hats, it's all in your head anyway.

Lucienne said...

Tricia,
As a writer I might choose one idea bouncing around in my head over another because I think it's the more marketable, but I never sit down to write something to market. As an agent, I'll advice my authors on what's not and what's not in the market to help them narrow down what they want to work on in the same way. Maybe I'll guide them down a more profitable path based on their strengths, but the truth is that it's a particular author's talent and uniqueness that drives the next trend, which is so much better than jumping on the tail end of the train already speeding down the path.

Laughingwolf - Hey! I remember you fondly from my last roast!

jason evans said...

Lucienne, do you have any advice for a dude who might be interested in getting vamped (hypothetically)? I'm wondering if there's any guidance from Gina Covello.

Lucienne said...

Jason, Gina thinks you should absolutely hang around at the mall after dark, particularly at the outer edges of the parking garage in an open-necked shirt. That way, after she's done with her "shopping spree," she can grab a bite to eat on her way out.

jason evans said...

Suddenly, I'm imagining Tony Manero. It must be the open shirt.

John Travolta would make a good vampire. In a comedy.

jason evans said...

Then again, after seeing THIS, it might work.

Lucienne said...

Jason, a look something like this one would work just fine: http://www.webwombat.com.au/lifestyle/fashion_beauty/images/jackman-1.jpg

jason evans said...

I may have just found my new avatar. LOL!

jason evans said...

I was just reading your opening pages on Amazon. I really like how you infused Gina's voice into the sentence structure. The tangential thoughts. The humor and half phrases. It feels like language doesn't intrude between you and reader. There's a close connection with Gina in the reading experience. Very cool!

I like when technique lifts a story, rather than hinders it.

Lucienne said...

Thanks so much, Jason. Gina was the strangest character I ever wrote. I never really had to think about voice or style - she was so much in my head and so real that it was more like I had to wrest the story back from her because she wanted to take complete control. Plotting against her was the hard part (*grin*). As a result, I went through way too many drafts.

Allie Moogan said...

i think that the sexiest chess piece happens to be the knight because its bold and its daring. Its brave and its not afraid to get out. I move my knight in an L form. And trust me, its not afraid...

laughingwolf said...

thx lucienne... 'vamped' sounds like a best-seller already :)

jason evans said...

Get your contest entries in folks! We're going to be closing the contest portion soon.

Lucienne said...

I'll give it until 10 p.m. Twenty more pages to read before I can turn in for the night anyway! (165 read so far today for anyone keeping track!) And only maybe a page and a half or two (still haven't typed it in, so it's all freehand) written this morning. Amazing how much faster it is to read than to write!

jason evans said...

Okay crew. The contest is now closed. Great day!! Lucienne looks a little worn from all the chess playing. :)

Lucienne, please go ahead and choose your winner. Someone's getting Vamped!

Thanks for being a wonderful roastee, Lucienne.

strugglingwriter said...

I fear I was one too many in a sea of pawns. I knew I should've gone with my original answer: the chess board. Without it, there is no game. Ah well. :)

Excellent answers everybody!

Lucienne said...

And the winner is...

(drum roll please)

...Michelle H!!!

Michelle, if you want to e-mail me your info at luciennediver (dot) gmail.com, I'll get a signed copy of Vamped out to you!

laughingwolf said...

grats michelle, and thx lucienne :)

Michelle H. said...

AHHH! I won! Thank you, kindly! And thank you everyone here at Book Roast!

Chris Eldin said...

Sorry I missed this one! Love the humor in the excerpt, and the question was quite fun! YAY for the rook winning!
:-)

Lucienne said...

Chris, I'm sorry we missed each other!